I hated goodbyes. Since I was a little girl, I would sob not only with goodbyes in person, but also long goodbyes in movies or on TV. Forever goodbyes were the worst. I knew I needed to find the problem and fix it, or I would lay down and die the day my three sons individually, moved away. I worked at an 800 bed hospital for 17 years; I was typing the autopsy reports while attending a few in person for knowledge sake. The last one I walked into was my 33 y/o best friend from high school dead on the table. I had talked to her in the not to distant past. I have dropped by my Christmas Happy Will during the next generation of our distant lives. No longer after her death, did I attend or wonder about death. I kept working and transcribing other's autopsy reports for years.
Then I got that call. You know, that pounding on the door in the middle of the night. I (single mom 15+ yrs) had raised three wonderful sons. By this time, they had their motorcycles and cars. I heard the noise and went to the door. It was 3:00 a.m. but the only words I heard were, "Kitty, he's gone.". My middle, 22 y/o funny beautiful loving son, was dead. He ceased every tie to the minds of happiness that he had a habit of delivering to all, but especially to me, his mom. There is absolutely no pain in the world like this; it is a killer in so many ways. I have had to rebuild over many years with an armor-like personality that could withstand the smiles I passed out and to be sure that I save one for me at the end of everyday. I see the messages of life that fill Facebook, Pinterest, and so many other venues across this Internet, and I am not only taken to a smile, but a LOL from time to time. I find myself trying to give back so much inspiration and collected life's knowledge and it is my pleasure. If only through my words, to tell all of you there is no way to prepare for this horrible ripping of so many lives. I hope you feel how precious life is not only daily, but by the second. My son, Todd, died at 9:00 p.m. yet no one contacted me until much later. He had just been by the home and came in to say hi! He had a habit of picking me up for a hug when he left. I would always say "Be careful". Within 2 hrs he was dead after 22 yrs of joy. You cannot prepare for a loss like this, but you must find God.
I never forget not even for an hour after 10+ yrs; but, I am finally a whole me again, but I will never be the first Kitty Kelso. Never. I avoid watching goodbyes most all of the time. I get it, this separation called death. My background may have prevented me from dying on the spot or shortly thereafter........Kitty Kelso www.KTEMerchantFleets.com at You Tube. It's my story of tragedy, survival, and hope.
Then I got that call. You know, that pounding on the door in the middle of the night. I (single mom 15+ yrs) had raised three wonderful sons. By this time, they had their motorcycles and cars. I heard the noise and went to the door. It was 3:00 a.m. but the only words I heard were, "Kitty, he's gone.". My middle, 22 y/o funny beautiful loving son, was dead. He ceased every tie to the minds of happiness that he had a habit of delivering to all, but especially to me, his mom. There is absolutely no pain in the world like this; it is a killer in so many ways. I have had to rebuild over many years with an armor-like personality that could withstand the smiles I passed out and to be sure that I save one for me at the end of everyday. I see the messages of life that fill Facebook, Pinterest, and so many other venues across this Internet, and I am not only taken to a smile, but a LOL from time to time. I find myself trying to give back so much inspiration and collected life's knowledge and it is my pleasure. If only through my words, to tell all of you there is no way to prepare for this horrible ripping of so many lives. I hope you feel how precious life is not only daily, but by the second. My son, Todd, died at 9:00 p.m. yet no one contacted me until much later. He had just been by the home and came in to say hi! He had a habit of picking me up for a hug when he left. I would always say "Be careful". Within 2 hrs he was dead after 22 yrs of joy. You cannot prepare for a loss like this, but you must find God.
I never forget not even for an hour after 10+ yrs; but, I am finally a whole me again, but I will never be the first Kitty Kelso. Never. I avoid watching goodbyes most all of the time. I get it, this separation called death. My background may have prevented me from dying on the spot or shortly thereafter........Kitty Kelso www.KTEMerchantFleets.com at You Tube. It's my story of tragedy, survival, and hope.
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